Sigh. So I’m up 0.4lbs this week and back to 180.0lbs with a total loss to date of 71.6lbs. I just don’t know why I can’t get my head back into it. Consistency has gone out the window. I’m definitely starting to feel the stress of this. I suppose what’s not helping is that this is where I went off course last time.
Last time I lost a significant amount of weight (52lbs) I found getting from 180 to 175 to be incredibly difficult. Even then I hit an all time low of 176.6 and then promptly jumped back up into the 180s. For me there is something very significant about getting below 175. Something about it being overweight rather then obese, I think. For whatever reason I’ve built it up in my mind and so it remains this golden egg I keep striving for, but yet never getting there.
I fear this is just going to be a repeat of last time. I fear I will give up because I won’t see the results I want. I fear I will regain this weight. I fear I won’t be able to make it through the summer with all the work and the travelling I have to do. I fear.
I’ve decided I need to revist last August. I need to see what clicked for me, what made me commit. What’s changed? Why have I let this slip, why do I feel myself slipping into doing what’s easy rather then what’s right? I don’t have any answers in this post – only questions. Questions only I can answer for myself. Part of me feels like if I could just get to 175 everything will be smooth sailing from there (yes, yes, I know!) But I know if I don’t learn/train myself to eat properly, to clearly identify portion sizes, to listen to my body when it is full then none of this will stick. I’m not there yet and I can’t give up, but it’s getting harder.
To get myself back on track I am going to make two goals for this week:
1. This week I will eat proper meals, not just nibbling here and there, filling up yet never filling up.
2. This week I will also sign up for another 5K run in September. I have been running, but this will help me push myself with an end-goal in mind.