It had gotten to a point where I was no longer comfortable in my own body. Walking up and down stairs was trying, bending over was trying, everything was slowly becoming trying and making me out of breath. My rings were getting tight, I felt bloated most days and my knees were making noise when I walked up and down stairs.
I found myself coming up with excuses not to expend energy – like carry too much stuff in one shot so I wouldn’t have to make a second trip, or take another street where the walk wouldn’t be as steep. What I considered everyday activities were getting difficult and uncomfortable. I was also becoming uncomfortable in my clothing, even if I bought bigger clothing it never fit right, I never felt at ease in my body unless I was in jeans and and a hoodie. A dress or skirt? Forget it. The tights were uncomfortable, the dress wouldn’t fit right.
Everything just felt wrong. I wanted to change that. I wanted to feel comfortable in my body. In how I felt in it, in what it could do, in how I felt in clothing. As I started to lose weight this started to come. But I’ll be honest, after such a large loss of 90lbs I’ve needed time to get used to and thus comfortable in this new body before me. I thought it would come quickly, the comfort. You know, smaller body means it fits into the world more readily. And that is very true – I no longer get out of breath (unless I am running really really fast!) or worry about sitting between two people on a bus or sitting comfortably in movie theatre seating and a plethora of other things – but I wasn’t comfortable. That is something that has come over this last year, this last year where I have lost only 6lbs and yet continue on. I have achieved this comfort. I can honestly say I feel comfortable in my body – is this why I’m stuck? Do I need to to re-evaluate this reason? Perhaps there’s something to this. Have I reached my initial goals? Do I need to create new ones to get me through this hump? Have I, in effect, gotten too comfortable? Hmmm…something to ponder.