Now, before we jump to the conclusion that I think thinness = happiness, that’s not it. This is the one reason that really is an amalgamation of all the rest. What I mean by being happy with my life is living my life to the fullest – and that means not letting my weight hold me back in any way. That means I get to make the choices I make – whether it’s about who I date, what jobs I go after, what adventures I partake in etc. I mean that I don’t want to be sitting at home making excuses. I want to be living my life.
I’ll be honest – I sometimes feel like I wasted my 20s. It’s a very hard thing to say and to admit to oneself. Sure I had a good time, but you know what? I know myself and I know I held myself back. I did it for various reasons – some were external (what will people think of me), and some were internal (I shouldn’t do that, what if I can’t do that, etc.) I remember when I was up north with a job once and there were zip lines through the forest. We had a 3-4 hour break between shows and, if I’d had the courage, if I thought I had the physical strength, then I would have totally done it. Booked the lesson and zipped through the trees. But I didn’t.
Sure there are people out there who are overweight who claim they are 100% happy and that their weight doesn’t stop them from enjoying life to the fullest. Maybe. Maybe not. All I can say is that I wasn’t one of them.
What if, what if, what if. I don’t want to look back and wonder what if. What’s that saying? Well according to old reliable Google this is the quote I’m thinking of:
I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done. – Lucille Ball
And that’s exactly it. I want experiences not excuses. My weight was stopping me. I know that now, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise. Am I happier now? I sure am! Am I happy because I’m thinner? In part – but really I’m happier because now I’m the one who gets to make the choice – to do something, to try something. I don’t wonder will I fit? Will it hold me? Will I have the energy? I just do it – if I fail, I fail, if I succeed, I succeed – but at least I tried.
So this is it. The last one in my series of why I re-embarked on my weight loss journey. It’s been a good thing to go back over them. To realize that in one way or another I’ve reached all my old goals. Perhaps a fresh start is indeed what I need. I need to readjust and re-evaluate and think about what exactly I have to gain my losing the rest.
I’ll be back later tonight with my weight-in post. Til then – thanks for reading.