Well I’m up again. Up 2.2lbs to a new weight of 158.4lbs and a total loss of 93.2lbs. I’m feeling nervous, worried, dejected, and scared.
I’m nervous that I can’t stop eating at night. I’m worried I’ll regain all my weight. I’m feeling completely dejected about everything to do with my eating and my weight loss. I’m scared I’ve already blown it.
To be honest, I’m more worried about my lack of control lately then I am with my weight loss. I’m worried I will never get control of my eating. I’m scared this is the beginning of a very slippery slope. I find myself not really tracking, or at least tracking halfheartedly, not measuring my food, and convincing myself that that bite or two isn’t that bad. Right now I’m feeling like even if I did try, I would end up gaining each week – it almost feels inevitable. And I don’t know what to do to stop it. I don’t.
Sorry this isn’t a longer post. It’s late as well. I think it all speaks to my frame of mind lately. I can’t keep doing what I’ve been doing, but I don’t really know what I can do different right this instant. I feel like I am opting not to eat pastries, desserts, chocolates etc. but somehow end up eating uncontrollably at night. Blargh.
On a positive note however – the no Splenda is going well. I definitely have cravings for it and I think, oh, it’d would be so easy and voila my coffee would be sweeter, but I’m holding on. No Splenda, Day 6 and going strong. And a second positive note is that I had one of my fastest runs last night in the last 2 weeks. I’ve been on antibiotics so my runs have been a bit laboured. And hey, why not have a trifecta – a third positive note is that this coming July 1st is CANADA DAY! Yippee! This makes me excited 🙂