Well things have not gone according to plan. I mean do they ever really? Let’s see what’s been happening: two weeks ago in particular was not a good one. I was up 4.2lbs! Ooph! Well two things happened that week: 1. I switched into jeans for the coming winter – it was just too cold to keep weighing-in in a dress and 2. I was bloated. Neither of these helped and although I was expecting a gain, this one was a bigger one then I had thought. Last week went better and I was down 1.7lbs. And then this week was ok-ish in that I was up 0.2lbs. So my new weight is 164.2lbs. Not bad considering I spent the last week visiting my mom, but still not great. That number is much higher then the beginning of the year and it’s making me feel like a failure. I know that that’s harsh, but it’s how I feel right now.
I’m trying my best, but I fear my best is not good enough.
I haven’t been blogging because it’s been hard to write these numbers down. I know negative talk isn’t good for me – especially when it comes to weight loss but I feel like I’m caught in a spiral. I’m still running, but I know that what I’m eating isn’t where it should be. And it isn’t even like I’m eating huge amounts or tons of desserts! If it was, I’d understand!!
I feel like if I eat just a little bit more then my daily points, I’ll gain 2lbs. I know that self reporting when it comes to food is notoriously flawed (i.e. we always think we eat way less then we actually do), so maybe that’s it. Maybe I really have been eating so much more. I just can seem to get a handle on it and get back into a weight-loss groove. I felt so good at 150bls and now I just feel bloated, heavy, and weighed down.