Well it was xmas eve last Tuesday and although I did have every intention of going to weigh-in as the centres only closed at noon that day and the one near my mom’s house has a meeting at 10am – I didn’t end up going because of the ice storm that hit Southern Ontario. Our big dinner with all the family visiting is on the 24th and with the ice storm everything got pushed back and I stayed at home to help my mom prep everything. The trip to the meeting would have been a minimum 1 1/2 hour excursion because of how far in the country they live and I just couldn’t leave her alone that morning.
I figure one week isn’t too bad. To be honest I’m not expecting a loss on Tuesday when I go weigh-in. I’m not throwing in the towel, but rather I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Whatever will be will be and 2014 is a new year and a new chance to get to goal – and that’s what I intended to do.
It’s funny – well not ha ha funny, but you know what I mean – I’ve been thinking a lot about my reasons for losing the last 20lbs that have been plaguing me for the better part of 2 years now. I had a bit of an epiphany today: I realized that I have never actually, as in truly, believed that I would reach my goal weight. That’s right. It was always this mythical idea that was far, far away. Not a concrete goal that I new I could reach. And I’ve realized that this has been holding me back.
So much of weight loss is the mental and emotional aspects of it. We all know how you can never really change for anyone, if someone wants to lose weight/quite smoking/decrease drinking etc. the desire has to be genuine and come from within. If we ever set out to do something to appease someone else we’ll end up failing/quitting/giving up because we weren’t doing it for ourselves and because we wanted it.
I need to really sit down and think about why staying at this weight is not something I want (it isn’t – I know that much at least!) and why losing the last 20lbs is worth it and worth the changes I need to make to get there. I’m going to work on this this week. I need to write down what I’m thinking and feeling and make sense of it. I want 2014 to be the year that I finally reach goal! I can do it. There is nothing stopping me but myself. 🙂