No, no, I haven’t disappeared…but it feels that way. I’ve been struggling to say the least and I just felt writing the same “I’m struggling” post every week wasn’t very helpful and might just come off as whiny. I’m still updating my weekly weigh-in page if you’re interested so for now I’m just trying to chug along. Today I weighed-in at 168.0. Not great, but better than last week as I was down 0.6lbs. I’m trying to get back on track and it’s been difficult. I’m not going away, I’m just being a bit quiet for now. Thanks for reading 🙂
Wow. So the other day I had a bad day at work and ended up having to stay late unexpectedly. Given I already work 12 hour days a 14 hour day was even worse because I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t have my dinner, I didn’t have plans that evening but I did have lots to do that night that I had to do when I got home.
Well what happened you ask!? I got home in a foul mood, I had started snacking badly at work because I wasn’t prepared with a healthy dinner or snack to tie me over so when I got home all I wanted to do was to eat, eat, eat. And that I did! I huge soup topped with lots of cheese and bread on the side followed by a big bowl of popcorn as I settled in to stay up late to get to the work I had to do.
It was such a clear case of emotional eating! I sometimes wondered if I was an emotional eater or not. Or if really at the heart of it of it all I just eat big portions. I know for sure I eat when I’m bored, other than that I had never really noticed if I ate when I was feeling particularly happy, sad, or angry. But I am definitely noticing the connections now. Sheesh! How many years have I been at this?!
It’s good to see the connections though as it can only help me to plan ahead and fight it. I can talk to myself and be clear that I’m only eating because I’m tired or angry or upset. The first step is acknowledging the problem right?
Alright, alright. Finally. I am down a significant amount. FINALLY! Tuesday at weigh-in I was down 1.9lbs for a new weight of 161.5lbs and back into the 90s with a total loss of 90.1lbs. I haven’t been at this weigh since October 22nd. That following week I gained 4.2lbs and I honestly feel like I’ve been trying to lose it ever since.
…Okay, so with all good intentions I started this post on Tuesday evening after my weigh-in but since then my life has been a bit crazy and I never got back to it. I’ve also been doing some hibernating here and there.
Well let’s see – what’s new…I bought my first every WW cookbook. This one:
Yes, it’s a bit older but it looked like it has some good, quick easy meals inside which I’d like to try. I’ve also been keeping up with my running and exercising, but I have been changing things around lately which I hope will lead to weight loss. I’d love to get back to 150…that was a good weight for me. I want to write a detailed post about my exercising lately. Oh so many posts rattling around in ma head I just haven’t gotten down. I will.
I’ve also been meaning to post a round up for 2013 and some goals for 2014 (as those of you who have been reading know I don’t believe in resolutions). I’m working on it…I swear! Things are just getting pushed back right now. I thought I had loads of free time, but it’s been disappearing fast and a deluge of work is coming…
Well it was xmas eve last Tuesday and although I did have every intention of going to weigh-in as the centres only closed at noon that day and the one near my mom’s house has a meeting at 10am – I didn’t end up going because of the ice storm that hit Southern Ontario. Our big dinner with all the family visiting is on the 24th and with the ice storm everything got pushed back and I stayed at home to help my mom prep everything. The trip to the meeting would have been a minimum 1 1/2 hour excursion because of how far in the country they live and I just couldn’t leave her alone that morning.
I figure one week isn’t too bad. To be honest I’m not expecting a loss on Tuesday when I go weigh-in. I’m not throwing in the towel, but rather I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Whatever will be will be and 2014 is a new year and a new chance to get to goal – and that’s what I intended to do.
It’s funny – well not ha ha funny, but you know what I mean – I’ve been thinking a lot about my reasons for losing the last 20lbs that have been plaguing me for the better part of 2 years now. I had a bit of an epiphany today: I realized that I have never actually, as in truly, believed that I would reach my goal weight. That’s right. It was always this mythical idea that was far, far away. Not a concrete goal that I new I could reach. And I’ve realized that this has been holding me back.
So much of weight loss is the mental and emotional aspects of it. We all know how you can never really change for anyone, if someone wants to lose weight/quite smoking/decrease drinking etc. the desire has to be genuine and come from within. If we ever set out to do something to appease someone else we’ll end up failing/quitting/giving up because we weren’t doing it for ourselves and because we wanted it.
I need to really sit down and think about why staying at this weight is not something I want (it isn’t – I know that much at least!) and why losing the last 20lbs is worth it and worth the changes I need to make to get there. I’m going to work on this this week. I need to write down what I’m thinking and feeling and make sense of it. I want 2014 to be the year that I finally reach goal! I can do it. There is nothing stopping me but myself. 🙂
Ooph! So this post got seriously waylaid by the holidays. I started writing it on Tuesday and then it got put aside…then I traveled for the holidays to my mom’s house – which is in Southern Ontario and since then we’ve been hit with an ice storm! Ack. Seriously I was in Montreal when the big one hit in 1998 and now this one. I’ve had enough ice storms to last me a lifetime thank you very much.
So now I get back to it…
Okay. Today I was up 0.6lbs for a new weight of 162.7lbs and total loss of 88.9lbs. Gotta say this up a couple pounds down a couple pounds is really getting tiresome. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I wasn’t nervous that this dancing around the same spot for the last couple years could cause me to go overboard. I don’t want to gain back all the weight. I really don’t. And I’d like to lose this last 20ish pounds and get down to my goal weight and actually focus on maintenance, not just by default. 😐
I had a conversation with my WW leader and she asked me why I was struggling. Good question. Very good question. And I don’t know the answer.
A little over a year ago I wrote down seven reasons why I wanted to lose weight. However, something I’ve noticed is that the reasons I had outlined before to lose weight no longer really apply. And to be honest, although it was a topic at our WW meetings about a month ago – I’ve realized that I’m struggling to find new reasons.
Reason 1: To be Considered – I no longer feel out of the norm, when I meet a guy for a date or show up at an interview I no longer worry that someone is going to be surprised by my physical appearance (i.e. my weight)
Reason 2: To be Comfortable in my Body: I no longer feel uncomfortable. Sure, sometimes I feel swollen and bloated and some clothes feel tighter every now and then, but in general I don’t give my body the same thought I used to. I don’t get out of breathe easily – in fact I always choose stairs over an escalator or elevator when given the chance. I can bend over, I carry heavy items, I fit easily in chairs and booths etc. I no longer worry my body won’t be able to do something I want it to do.
Reason 3: To Wear Pretty Clothes: Ok, so it’s not like I can wear anything I want – I still have these huge calves and my body isn’t tiny – I’m about a size 8-12 depending on the type of store (e.g. I’m an 8/small at Old Navy but a 12/large at higher end stores!) — but over all I’m able to find cute and pretty clothes. In fact I discovered I really like wearing cute dresses and have a whole collection!
Reason 4: For my body to be a machine: Fine, it’s not a machine…yet…but you know what it can do a heck of a lot! I can run a 5K without a second thought and in fact run a 10k. I weight train often and have actual muscle definition. The notion of joining a sports team or going for a hike or bike ride are actually exciting me nowadays rather than terrifying. I look forward to new ways of moving and testing my body.
Reason 5: So my weight doesn’t stop me from living my life: You know what? It doesn’t…not anymore. I actually can’t remember the last time I considered my weight when I thought about doing something. I’m actually a little bit in shock as I write this because I really haven’t considered my weight in a long time and I’m a bit surprised by that. Wow. I’ve come a long way.
Reason 6: To not be out of breath: Wow. It’s been a long time since I’ve been out of breath doing everyday things. Now even when I exercise and I get out of breath I get excited because I know it means I’ve pushed myself further. I look forward to being out of breath – again I can’t believe by how far I’ve come.
Reason 7: To be happy with my life: “Happiness is a journey, not a destination.” -Alfred D. Souza. Ain’t that the truth. I can definitely say I am happier now then I was then. But it’s all a journey and it’s nice to
Here is where I find myself – I have to find my new reasons. The reasons to take me past this blip and onto goal…
Ooph! I’m late on this post. But not because I didn’t want to or because I gained, but rather because the days just got away from me and I didn’t have time to sit down for a proper post! This week I was down 1.2lbs for a new weight of 162.0lbs and a total loss of 89.6lbs.
Last week went pretty well for the most part. Well I mean it did in terms of weight loss, but to be honest I wasn’t really expecting it. I was doing well until Saturday and ate a bit more then my daily points (but not over my weekly points) and I felt bloated Sunday, Monday, and even Tuesday morning. I find that now, at my current weight I REALLY feel even the slightest changes in my body – like bloating. When I was at my biggest, or heck, even over 200lbs I could easily gain and/or lose 10lbs and not notice. I’m serious. If you’ve ever been over 200lbs you know exactly what I’m talking about.
This week is going ok, but with the bloating sometimes I don’t have a very accurate sense of how my weigh-in will be. This week remains to be seen, but overall I am feeling better about my eating. I think I’m making better choices portion-wise and I’m definitely feeling more in control – which is always a nice feeling especially in December! The holiday parties have started already and there’s always a lot of temptations about. My first party of the season was last Friday and at the end of the night there was tons of food left over – my friend was offering leftover food – loaves of bread, cheesecakes etc. What did I end up taking?? A large bowl of salad (spring mix and veggies without dressing)! Yahoo for good choices!
Do you have any tips for getting through the holiday season without going overboard?? Please do share!
Ok. So from the title you probably won’t be expecting this but I was up 0.3lbs today. So new weight is 163.3lbs and a total loss of 88.3lbs. So why am I excited by this gain? Well let’s enter the world of a bit too much information shall we? It’s a time of the month where, being female, bloating and cravings are at their highest. So the fact that it’s only a 0.3lb gain is amazing.
To put this into perspective let’s see:
- 4 weeks ago: up 4.2lbs
- 8 weeks ago: up 3.4lbs
- 12 weeks ago: up 3.5lbs
Are we understanding now? Compared to past weigh-ins this 0.3 gain is a welcome relief. Funnily enough it makes me feel confident about upcoming weigh-ins. So much of this is about what’s going on in your head that when you feel confident and in control it’s easier to stay that way. Here’s hoping this is the turning tide.
My leader asked at today’s meeting, and I’m paraphrasing here! “Don’t you feel that when your head is in the game you can meet any challenge that’s thrown your way (e.g. parties, unexpected sweets etc.)?” Yes. Yes I do. I know that when my head is in the game I eat and track truthfully. That resisting that dessert isn’t a big deal. That I am satisfied by only one helping at dinner. That I drink more water. All these I know to be true. To be honest – sometimes when I know my head is not where it needs to be for me to lose weight I try to just wait it out rather than fighting it. Maybe I should be trying to change it up – but you know what else – sometimes just waiting it out (without regaining!) is the way to go for me. Why? Because I know I’ll get back to it. Some meals are easier than others. Some days are easier than others. Some months are easier than others. Heck, some years are easier than others. And that’s just where we’re at.